Me, Mommy

Look Beyond the Fog

I use the word fog because it’s visual.

photo-1571586100119-25470b1b8bb6.jpegWe’ve all seen a foggy morning or tried to drive in a thick fog, right? It’s hard to see the whole situation. It’s literally clouded and we can only focus on what’s right around us. It can be frustrating and even scary. 

Sometimes in life, we need to stop and realize the greatness of what’s beyond the fog…the struggles in life that surround us and cloud our thoughts and perspective.

photo-1536520002442-39764a41e987.jpeg

I had an appointment to get a haircut. I was excited about it for days. It meant leaving the house. It meant focus on myself for a change. It meant I still existed, I still mattered. 

The day finally arrived. I sat down in the chair ready to finally exhale a month-long build-up of stress, only to look down and discover baby poop on my jeans. It must have seeped through the diaper before I changed it earlier that day. 

I fought tears, covered the spot with my hand and made it through the next half hour just hoping nobody noticed. 

The thing is, I was about a month into having two children to care for. One, not even holding up two fingers, the other not yet a month old. 

I was tired. I was learning. I was surrounded by a fog, desperate to see the other side.

photo-1552404200-b22566b2317b.jpegA few months later, it was spilled milk. Such a simple fix. Grab a few towels, soak it up, move on. 

Instead, I fought the tears, unsuccessfully.

Literally crying over spilled milk and looking into the face of a sweet child who couldn’t understand why mommy dropped a whole gallon of milk and then was sobbing over it in the floor. 

The thing is, I was wearing dark circles like they were the latest beauty trend. I hadn’t showered in a few days and was as ripe as the diaper I just changed. My chest felt like it had produced enough milk to fill that jug I’d dropped or at least be placed in rotation at a dairy farm. 

I was tired. I was learning. I was surrounded by a fog, desperate to see the other side.

photo-1539632346654-dd4c3cffad8c.jpegA few years later I was at the kitchen table trying to be “teacher mommy” to a preschooler while a toddler caused continuous mischief despite my efforts to entertain. I ended the lesson in defeat. 

You see, I was overwhelmed. I was worried I wasn’t doing enough. I doubted my abilities and felt the pangs of failure creeping into my mind. Their introduction into education was riding on my shoulders and it was heavy. I wanted to give them the best start. 

I was tired. I was learning. I was surrounded by a fog, desperate to see the other side.

I could tell of a hundred more times, easy. I know you could too. 

Now I’ve ventured into a few new seasons and arrived at the other side I was so desperate to see. 

Mamas, I’m here to tell you, there will be fog. Days and weeks of doing and learning and defeat and exhaustion and sacrifice, all clouding the big picture. I’m also here to tell you, look beyond the fog. Look beyond everything that seems overwhelming in that moment 

You will find an indescribable beauty. 

It’s not fair to say always look past it. No, that’s too much pressure. Living in the middle of a season is the hardest time to see outside of it. It’s also not fair to keep this reminder silent and tucked away. We all need to hear it and often. 

Look up, Mama. Look at your life right this second. Feel the intensity of its reality.

There will always be the younger days. The memories, the longing to go back, maybe some regrets, a little sadness for stages gone by too quickly.

There will always be days ahead, the fear of the unknown, hopefulness for the future, eagerness to move on to another stage with the false idea it will be easier. 

There is also today, right now, when the fog of everyday life seems the thickest. The day that makes that memory. The day that holds that season you’re in right now. The day that helps prepare us all for the unclear future. 

The sleepless nights and endless diapers and dressing and cutting up food and rocking to sleep…you think they’ll last forever. 

They don’t. 

The school pick-up lines and missing them all day and mean kids and trying to sneak hugs when they don’t hug back as long they used to…you think it will last forever. 

It won’t

There will be many more cups of spilled milk. Many gross things found on clothes. Many doubts and frustrations will creep up. 

Many, many more hard things are ahead. 

Through it all, there’s hope if we remember to look beyond the fog and see each day. It’s the love that matters, the life that swirls in our minds, the laughter that holds us together. 

If we don’t stop to look…we might just miss it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s