Everyone grab a party hat! I’m back! Time to celebrate!
I haven’t posted in a few weeks. Has anyone missed me? No? Maybe just a little? My life has been pure craziness lately. The forecast for next month looks to be even crazier. It’s ok, I just don’t have much time to do anything right now! I did take a few minutes to come up with 9 more things. If you didn’t read the first 9, you can catch up here.
1.Public speaking gives me hives.
They’re not actual hives. You can’t even see them. No, these are internal. It’s like I’m itching and burning from the inside causing an automatic reflex to run away. It also causes wobble knees and a reoccurring ‘um” syndrome. Sweat pours from my body like a wet ‘n wild sprinkler. My heart, in an attempt to flee the scene, crawls up into my ears, beating so loud I can’t hear my own scattered thoughts. This is why I’m typically found quietly holding down the back row.
Luckily, I get to speak publicly in a few days. I’m so excited. This is all normal. Right?
2. I’m a yo-yo parent.
I try to always be a good mom. I wake up each day with those very intentions. Some days I really impress myself with the mom skills. I keep it together, remember to have fun, explain things calmly. Other days I cringe at my tone or regret rushing so much. I can count the number of times I feel like I’m losing my mind on fingers and toes.
I haven’t decided if it’s caused by “hanger” or hormones or just feeling overwhelmed. Either way, it’s a wild ride we all get on occasionally and as long as our yo-yo doesn’t stay unraveled on the floor I think we’re doing ok.
I also suffer from yo-yo diet disorder, but I’ll spare you from those details. For now.
3. I say goodnight to toys.
It’s all Woody’s fault. You know, from Toy Story. Deep down I know the toys aren’t real. I promise I’m not crazy. I also blame the “it’s midnight and I’ve picked up this same toy 56 times today,” issue.
Sometimes, not every time, but sometimes when it’s dark and quiet I’ll peek into the toy box. Just to check. I’ve never found a party going on, but I whisper goodnight. Just in case. Maybe I need a new hobby.
4. My top 3 fears are spiders, flatulence and sweat.
Of course there are all the typical big fears in life, but I’m not in a depressing mood so I’ll just focus on the silly and ridiculous fears that plague my daily life.
Spiders have always made my skin crawl. If you want to know more, read this. I’m also afraid of publicly passing gas. Although it’s a proven fact everyone does it at least 15 times a day, if one of those times happens to be in public everyone acts completely shocked and appalled as if you’ve just committed a heinous crime. Sweating, same thing. A natural reaction to heat, but walk around with a little butt or pit sweat showing and you might as well be a giant slug covered in horns.
5. I’m part bear.
Yes, I’m part bear. Unfortunately, not the outspoken, protective mama bear type. Although, I have been more vocal when it comes to my kids. Surely that deserves one of those cute mama bear hats? Anyway, I’m talking hibernation. I hibernate in the winter. There’s always comfort food around. My metabolism drops drastically. I stay inside as much as humanly possible and I tend to just collapse under a blanket at night. It’s all good though. Well, until the first warm, sunny day when I discover the side effects of my bear side. All the extra accumulated layers and whatnot
6. My kids mourn my hairballs.
You know those hair brushes that collect 76 pieces of hair with each stroke? They’re a special bristle that’s like a hair magnet. Anyway, I get around to cleaning it out every few months. Usually around the same time it starts to scare me looking like a dead possum in my drawer. I cleaned it out recently and had a good size hairball. My kids found it in the trash and actually cried. They had a small little memorial for mommy’s dead hair. It was beautiful. And creepy. And hilarious.
7. I look where I shouldn’t.
I daydream a lot, it’s more like I space out. Maybe it’s my mind’s way of taking little daytime naps while I’m awake. Either way, my physical body is there but my mind could be anywhere. When this occurs I sometimes snap back to my reality and discover my eyes are staring at someone or looking at areas on their body I typically wouldn’t stare at. It’s all completely innocent, but when I finally realize it the damage is done. I obviously then look away, but it’s like telling someone they can’t say a certain word. It’s all they want to say. I know I should stop staring, but instead I keep glancing back to their chest or feet something crazy and look like a complete weirdo. I usually just run away. It’s just easier.
8. I’m allergic to jeans.
Ok, not all jeans. I mostly only wear jeans. I’m talking about the new stinky jeans. It’s the dye or waterproofing chemicals or something, but some jeans just stink. Bad. I bought a pair or two by accident. It’s not easily detected in a store. Once they’re washed it’s like like little stink bombs are released into the fabric. The first time I wore these jeans l constantly kept checking my shoes for cow manure. Yeah, it was just me. Well, my jeans. I even wrote the company to inform them I didn’t appreciate walking around smelling like a cow pie. That’s embarrassing stuff.
9. Loofahs scare me.
I’ve said this many times, but I’ll continue to rant about it. You know those poofy shower loofahs at the store? They just throw them in a big bin completely unwrapped. They look fun in all the different colors, but they creep me out. My kids love to grab everything they can off store shelves and explore it. How many little hands have touched that loofah? What kind of dirty box was it shipped in? Did the sneezy guy in the next aisle blow snot on it? How many times has it touched the floor? So many questions. I’m supposed to just buy it, all facts unknown and rub it all over my body for a luxurious germ-infested experience? No thanks.
There you have it folks. 9 more things.
Have a great day!