Me

My Nickname Has a Butt

Somewhere, somehow my kids heard a short clip of the Bubble Butt song. (I’ve never listened to the whole thing.) Once the hysterical laughter subsided, they unanimously agreed this should be my new name. The more I protested the more they said it. I let it go for the day and (as suspected) they soon forgot it after a night’s sleep. Situation averted.

Until a week later. We were dancing around the living room (a typical after school energy burning, mood lifting, day debriefing tradition) and my youngest bumped into my rear. To say she just fell back is an understatement. It was more like bouncy house style. I was the house and she was thrown a few feet back by the pillow force. No injuries here, just giggles. Soon followed by, “mommy is bubble butt!” Great.

I fully realize I’m no slender model. I do have mirrors, I can read pant sizes, I’m not oblivious to the fluffy exterior. I did decide to take a look at this bubble they kept mentioning. Crap. It had been a while since I gathered the courage to take in the rear view. They are exactly right. It looks like my back blew a giant bubble that hasn’t popped yet.

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I’ve yo-yo dieted for as long as I can remember (which if you’ve been following a while isn’t that long.) One day halfway through college every single thing I ate suddenly started setting up shop around my thighs. Then it decided to procreate and relocate to my stomach, arms, face. There’s no real estate left unharmed.

I did Tae Bo, running, stair climbers, walking, weight lifting, swimming, Jillian Michaels, Beach Body, Weight Watchers, and at one point starvation. I have tried, really I have. The very day after I stop any sort of diet or exercise my entire body blows back up like a bloated whale sadly washed ashore.

It’s exhausting.

People who don’t have to work very hard at staying thin, they just don’t understand. They can eat a salad for two days and lose 6 lbs of water weight. I would salad wrong and gain 3.

I’m not making excuses here, really I’m not. I came to terms with the fact that I’m a person who has to constantly, full-time watch every single thing I eat AND do vigorous exercise just to maintain overweight. I go through months of having the willpower and stamina to keep that up and months where I just stop.

I know I’m not alone here. At least I hope not. Is it a fun place to be? Nope. Is it frustrating to get rid of clothes just to have to buy a size up again? Yes. That shop of shame is the worst.

I never imagined writing about this. It’s not a fun topic. It’s a struggle. One that I’m always trying to straighten out in my mind. Like, if I eat this taco with my family will it add a pound to my arms or hips?

The fact that I need to get the ol’ bubble on a treadmill passes through my mind daily. One day I hope to actually make it back into my routine. Should I hate my body or myself in the meantime?

I say no.

I’m not here to promote a certain diet, I don’t have any valuable knowledge to share about exercising. I’m not telling you to lose weight or to stay where you are. I’m not, because those are all decisions we need to make on our own. No, I’m simply suggesting that you love yourself. No matter where you are in your journey.

I made vows to love my husband no matter what, and I do. Why can’t I do the same for myself?

Arms, though you feel like jello I love you for holding my babies tight and telling others hello.

Legs, though you walk in a jiggly way, I love you for carrying me strong through each day.

Stomach, you once were tight and firm but I love you for being a safe home to my babies and giving them plenty of room to squirm.

Body of mine, whether big or small, I vow to love you through it all!

See, not so hard! Whether you’re happy with where you are, just starting out in a weight loss journey, not yet convinced yourself to make it happen or quitting because it’s stinking hard. Wherever you fall, love yourself. Love your body, even all the extras. Love yourself for trying, love your mind for thinking of ways to improve your health. Love your progress. Love your failures and learn from them. As I say all this, I struggle to do the same.

How about we work on it together?

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