Me, Mommy

This One Time in the Car Rider Line

First, to all the teachers and staff standing outside before and after a long day in all types of weather helping these kids get into school and home safely, you’re awesome and we appreciate you immensely!

The car rider line is the highlight of my days now. According to my husband anyway. He says when I tell him about it, the excitement in my voice and on my face give it away. Last night he teased me as I started on another story. He promptly interrupted me with, … “and this one time, in the car rider line…” (If you watched movies in the early 2000s you’ll get that.)

I had to laugh though, I guess he’s right. I do spend a chunk of my day waiting to pick up my kid with nothing else to do but people or raindrops or cloud watch. People are interesting creatures, so I tell him about it. Here’s a few of the fun things I’ve witnessed so far.

(All in fun, just telling what I saw, no getting any undies in a bunch here please.)

The chin incident.
I’m minding my own boring business when I happened to look at the car to my left. A mom, much like me in age and looks, was less than an inch away from her pull down mirror, tweezers in hand, going to town on her chin. I looked twice to make sure I saw correctly. (Coffee is worn off by now, I could definitely be hallucinating.)

I get it, you have read about my rogue neck hair, but I couldn’t keep from thinking how much money someone would need to pay me to do this in public. She’s my new “need to pluck, don’t care if you look” role model.

I’m sure she had great lighting. I hope she got them all. I will always know her as the brave chin lady. She’s awesome. (No, that wasn’t sarcasm.) She went on to apply makeup. Not that I was staring. Maybe I’ll try all this out next week, I’ll let you know how it goes.

The spunky grandma.
I regretted not bringing popcorn to this show. Merging of cars is different in the morning and afternoon. One afternoon an obvious first-time grandma was picking up her grandkids and was not informed of the rules. She cut in front of a truck, which was in front of me, and nearly took out his headlight. Several loud honks and angry arm gestures directed at poor, unaware grandma quickly followed. Once the line was at a stop again, poor grandma turned into spunky grandma.

She whipped her car into park, marched right up to truck man and proceeded to let him know those actions were not necessary. I couldn’t hear everything, but seeing her hands on her hips and pointing at him was enough. I even wanted to apologize to her. I’m pretty sure he shed a tear or two.

The dance party.
There we were. 30 cars all lined up, everyone staring at their phones or blankly at the clouds. I had enough, so I turned up 90s on 9 (all the cool moms jam to this station.) I rolled down the windows, got out and started dancing. Right there between the cars. Other moms joined in. Who can resist Will Smith? (Showing my age here, or maybe just my uncoolness.) We were all getting jiggy. I’m sure someone got a video. It was awesome.

Now is the part where I confess none of that really happened. I’m just making sure you’re paying attention. I did daydream about this happening, if that counts. You know it sounds fun, better than watching clouds move anyway.

The drink lady.
We had a few minutes until school let out. I was anxious to hear about the day. Suddenly the lady in front of me exited her car. Right there in the line. I started looking around to see if anyone else was witnessing this. No one ever gets out. I sat up a bit to see if something was wrong. At this point all I could see was her rear sticking out of the back door of the SUV.

Then she turns around and starts pouring out what I’m assuming is old liquid from a fast food cup. Ok, cool. She’s tidying up a bit. That’s actually a good idea. Then comes another cup, and another, and another. It was the McDonald’s cup clown car. I wish I’d actually counted but I had so many questions. Where were they all coming from? Did she have extra custom built-in cup holders? How long had they all been there? Were they all hers? Is that poor patch of grass going to die from soda asphyxiation?

I’ll never know. It was time to drive and greet our babies. She just casually got back in her car, as if she had merely retrieved her purse from the backseat and not just emptied enough fluid to fill my kiddie pool. I’m so happy she got that job knocked out.

See, doesn’t this sound like
an exciting daily adventure?

There are many more and I know more will follow. If you’re a fellow car rider, no matter where you live, and I’ve just described you, please know I appreciate you for being you. I want to thank you for brightening an otherwise boring event and I’m sure one day I’ll do something worthy to debut in someone’s blog too.

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